Jingle Bells – Not quite laughing all the way

Jingle Bells,
The toddler yells,
Mummy’s going to cry,
Please stop fighting,
No more biting,
Can’t you fucking try?

Jingle Bells,
The toddler yells,
Tea time’s crap, of course,
Daddy’s late,
Missed broccoligate,
I’m thinking of divorce.

Dashing round Waitrose,
With snot sprayed on my top,
Kids screaming all their woes,
Pissing off the shop,

Daddy’s working late,
Bath time is a farce,
If Daddy wants a shag tonight,
He can kiss my fucking arse.

OH!

Jingle Bells,
The toddler yells,
Pass the vodka please,
It’s Christmas time,
Binge drinking’s fine,
And Mummy’s on her knees.

Jingle Bells,
The toddler yells,
Fuck this parenting gig,
All I’ll say,
Is come Christmas Day,
My present better be BIG!