Snapshot #20 – 10 feelings that I couldn’t live without

10. When you’re in a long, hot shower and you crank up the heat one more. For a moment it scorches, and then it’s pure bliss.

9. The feeling I get after my Monsters have had a meal full of vegetables and we didn’t have to bribe/deceive/force-feed them. Only happened like, twice ever, but it was a damn good feeling when it did.

8. When I’ve done something that I’ve really enjoyed or that has invigorated me, for the first time. I go to bed buzzing, only able to think of that thing. I see it every time I close my eyes and I feel so positive and excited for the potential held within this new thing.

7. When someone other than Husband Dearest comments positively on the Monsters.

6. When you have one of those days where you have the motivation to do all of the things your husband knows you don’t do when you stay at home all day, and yet you have time to rest, do crafts and generally parent the children. And you feel like a super-human and walk around with a face that says ‘Yeah, motherfucker, I got this.’

5. When your evening plans get cancelled and you order a take away, get into pjs, climb under a blanket and the Corrie theme tune rolls. Even better when it’s a Friday. Even betterer if the take away contains saag paneer.

4. That feeling when things just come good. It’s like the stars align; money seems ok, children seem pleasant, work isn’t stressful and then some random thing comes along. Like winning a raffle, or an unexpected rise for Husband Dearest. And just for that short time, before the latest shit storm appears, you feel as though you may actually have earned some good karma with the universe.

3. When one of the Monsters is belly laughing hysterically, or singing beautifully or playing totally alone but so imaginatively, and Husband Dearest and I glance at each other and know we’re both thinking the same thing: ‘Are we really this lucky?’

2. When you’ve left behind the troubles of the world, the jobs that need to be done, the shit that is going on, the people who don’t really matter and you’re going out/staying in with friends. And that wine cork pops, you’re wetting your knickers with laughter before you’ve even sat down and you just know it’s going to be a comfortable, hilarious, wonderful night.

1. That beautiful feeling when one of the Monsters hugs me, falls asleep on me or generally cuddles up. They’re in no hurry to go anywhere, and you feel their whole weight lying freely across you, as though they know everything you feel is conditional on sleep unconditional. I’ve never been any good at mindfulness but at these times, I know I live 100% in the moment, for the moment, and like nothing will stop the moment we’re having.

I get myself so bogged down in stuff that isn’t a big deal. I’ve wasted far too much of my life panicking about things that others don’t give a second thought about. I hope that, in future, when I am psychologically flipping my lid, I can read what really matters to me in life and just calm my tits.

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